Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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