didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
