that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
