the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
