Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
