So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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