I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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