she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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