I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
