Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize