Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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