When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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