She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
