1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
