I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
