i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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