so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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