I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
