i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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