opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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