it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
