I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
