I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
