He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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