it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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