please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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