I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
