so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
