i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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