he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
