dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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