Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
