i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
