my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
