I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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