someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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