I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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