it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
