i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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