8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
