i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
