ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You are a genius and a whore.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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