It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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