Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
