apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He passed out mid-signature
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
did i walk over a car last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
