felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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