very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
