i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
