New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
