lets start a swedish sibling band together
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize