I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
