I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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