just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
