I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
