i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
