she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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