I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
