she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
