I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
