Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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